Part of what makes me sad is the constant thoughts of what can be, what might have been, what could be, and what may never be with JJ.
It makes me sad, I can’t lie. But what has me happy today is seeing how I’m actually looking out for my own best interests now. Just a few years ago, I would only be applying to schools in this state, or near where he’s going to school. I didn’t even consider that now. I met with all of my professors and determined what schools would be best for me. And honestly, Cleveland and Seattle are my top choices. He’s gonna be on the East coast for school. Can’t get much farther away than that.
But, whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I know this to be true. I still get sad. I love him dearly. But I have to live my life. I have to.
Again, I’m in tears. I just get so down when I think of what could have been. But I’ll be a much better future wife to whomever when I make the right moves for me. JJ and I will always be friends. And I appreciate that more than anything.