I never really wonder why I’m single. I mean, if I was a guy, I’d probably stay far away too. I can get a little feisty. But, I’ve also been giving way too much attention to losers (I DO NOT apologize for using that term). Dudes who should have never gotten their numbers in my phone! Dudes who are no reflection of me. Dudes who I’m embarrassed to say I spent significant time on. In fact, let’s take a little walk down my short boyfriend memory lane…
The Artist – I really want to be his friend. He’s a gifted artist, but we disagree on some very fundamental things. I felt that he didn’t support some things I was trying to do. Actually, he told me that he hated what I was trying to do. So…yeah, it’s hard for me to respect him. I love his style though. He wore polo shirts with Chucks and he loves hip-hop and Eddie Murphy.
The youngin’ – I can give you 25 reasons you shouldn’t date someone you work with, especially if their entire family is affiliated with the, uh…workplace. Never should have gone there. A nice guy. Naive. I still don’t think he’s come clean about everything. And my mother loves him, of course. *rolling eyes* This was a clear case of me going against my better judgment just to spite folks. Definitely backfired. But, I can’t lie, he’s a nice guy, young, dumb and naive, but “nice” and friendly and he’d go all out of his way to help me. His whole family would. But that doesn’t change how I feel about him. I’m trying hard to not be in speaking terms with him but it ain’t working.
The Crackhead – I checked a few weeks ago and he’s locked up again. Young and dumb was I. I still can’t really explain how this happened, but I know I remained ’cause too many people told me not to. Oh youthful rebellion! I was THIS close to letting that idiot ruin my life. He never graduated high school, couldn’t keep a job, and now I hear he’s literally runnin’ from people. My goodness.
Goldie – I honestly have no idea what my fascination with this one was. He had 6 gold teeth (I cringe now to even think of it), a ghetto-azz mama and no driver’s license. I used to go to his house whenever I could to do absolutely nothing. We never went out, just hung out with his family watching movies. Believe it or not, he was probably the most respectful. He has 2 kids, a weed-smokin’ baby-mama and pictures of her booty all over MySpace. I saw it. Yes indeed…
The Genius/GZA – Never been a boyfriend, but he’s always been around. You wanna talk about someone with game? This dude has skills! Every year I plan to never talk to him. Every year I end up going out with him…since high school. The dope-dealing genius who, after 5 years, still hasn’t gone back to school and who still hasn’t gotten locked up. Must be a genius, right?
Do you see what I mean? Combine this track record with my lively and unpredictable personality and you have a recipe for disaster. But here’s where my life gets better: I’m not foolin’ with these folks any more (I’ma need your help to stay away from GZA ’cause goodness knows…)! I have absolutely no time for this nonsense. No more unsupportive artists. No more druggies. No more doe-eyed young boys who too easily get taken advantage of. No more settling for this mess. I’m a doggone catch. Act like you know, son!!
So folks, I hereby give you permission to slap the living sh!t out of me if you see me in public with any of these people. I also give you permission to slap me if you see me with someone whose pants are around their thighs (and not waist), who does not have a diploma (is it too snooty to say “degree” too?) and, dare I say, has felonies. And slap me hard so that I’m physically hurt and embarrassed. That way I get the point.
Now bring on the fresh meat!