Chivalry and Southern Hospitality

30 11 2007

I’m a Southern girl. I was born and raised in the South. I have an innate connection to all things Southern, good and bad, which is why I must vent about Southern Hospitality.

Since being away from my home for a decent chunk of 2007, I’ve seen how “the others” do things. For example, in Atlanta when an older lady gets on the train, you’re expected to offer your seat to her. If you don’t, you get ugly looks and you’re considered rude. Believe me, I know it to be true. Another truly Southern phenomenon is that women believe that a “good man” will take care of them including opening doors, pulling out chairs and paying for dinner. I’m not with this mess.

First of all, I’ve worked entirely too hard for my degrees. My education was for me, partly so that I could have a decent life. It simply makes no sense for me to go to school for 7 good years of my life if I’m really not going to utilize the benefits of that work. You could argue that people go to school because they generally love learning and being exposed to intellects in specific subject areas; that person should, following this reason, have a PhD or two, a JD, several masters and maybe a EdD. If not, shut up. 

Secondly, I’m a healthy individual. I’ve been opening and closing my own bathroom door for over 20 years now. Why do I need you to open the car door when, not only am I physically capable of doing so, I am closer to the door? You mean you want me to wait for you to turn off the car (because Southern girls don’t drive on dates either), take off your seat-belt, open your door, walk around the vehicle and open my door? Really? Get the hell out of here! I want someone who’s courteous and polite, not catering and spine-less. It irritated me to no end when the ex (the youngin’) insisted on opening my door. I couldn’t rationalize waiting for someone to do something for me when I’m capable of doing it myself…and I’ve proven that I can do it well. My mother and friends would tell me that I just wasn’t used to a “good man” doing things for me. If only they knew…

Thirdly, I want to be able to take care of myself. It’s not about me being ultra-independent, but I recognize that I do need some independence for life. Many people in my age range are at different levels of maturity, but ALL of us still have emotional ties to our parents, like it or not. If you, still being tied to your parent(s), get in a relationship where your other does the brunt of the work for the two of you, where is your independence? what will you do when they are no longer there? You’re transferring your crutch from one person to the next. That’s how you find yourself 65, alone and unable to wash your own clothes.

I know what you’re thinking: Coop must be really bitter. Negative! I love life, but this whole “good man will take care of his wife” is for the birds. That sh!t is not a relationship; it’s parenthood, taking care of a child and I want nothing to do with it. A relationship is a partnership with all parties involved EQUALLY contributing to the common goal(s). WE pay the bills. WE do the dishes. WE cook. WE work. WE take out the trash. WE drive. WE live together in harmony because WE are friends. I am not your mother and you ain’t my daddy, son!

I read today that Jesse Jackson criticized the democratic candidates for not showing up for the Jena 6 rallies. From what I understand, there was no partnership between Jesse and the candidates so they were not obligated to be there. But he EXPECTED them to, just like women are EXPECTING men to take care of them. Y’all really have to look at why you’re expecting what you’re expecting from your spouse (and I don’t wanna hear not a one bible verse. I’ll talk about the problems of literal interpretations of a 16-time translated ancient text at a later time.) I can’t help but believe this submissiveness has been passed down to Southern men and women for entirely too long. Everyone wants job “hook-ups”, discounts and hand-outs without bringing anything/enough to the table.

So what does Coop want?
1. Coop wants people to stop being fake. Don’t smile and pretend to happily give up your seat on the bus to Miss Daisy. That chick gets a half-price discount and has no where to be soon.
2. Coop wants you to equip yourself for a relationship. If you want to attract ambitious, educated individuals, it would behoove you to be ambitious and educated yourself. Want someone who’s honest? Be honest with them, genius! It’s a partnership.
3. Coop wants you to stop expecting handouts. People work their butts off for stuff; why should you get it for free? Work, struggle, hustle and you’ll earn it in due time.

Tomorrow’s sermon: Who in the hell left…the toilet seat up? lol

Now playing: John Mayer – Vultures
via FoxyTunes




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