I was driving from work yesterday and started thinking about you. It was totally random. I started talking to myself (like I always do) about you. It was a wonderful conversation, too-full of love and smiles.
I thought about how you loved to put peanuts in your Coke when you drank it.
I thought about how you introduced me to Air Force Ones in high school and laughed at me for not knowing about them sooner.
I thought about how you introduced me to Trina and Trick Daddy (lol!), Big Tymers and BG.
I thought about how you would sit, just sit, at my house while my mom worked nights so I didn’t have to be there by myself.
I thought about how pigeon-toed you were!
I thought about how beautiful your skin was.
I thought about how I never liked your girlfriends because they were never good enough for you.
I thought about you working at Family Dollar.
I thought about you paging me (flashback!) asking for a ride and how you always gave me gas money and a kiss on the cheek.
I thought about how much your boys respected you.
I thought about your house catching on fire.
I thought about your smile.
I’m so happy I met you! You helped me get through Ms. Thaxton’s biology class! You introduced me to lots of music, people, fashion that I was clueless about. You’re great.
I think about you a lot still, but it saddens me. I miss you so much. I tear up every single time I think of you. When I ride the train home, I see your old street. I pass by the gas station I got pulled over at for my first ticket, when you walked by to check on me. You always checked on me.
Things are kinda hard for me right now. I’m stressed about a lot of stuff. I know that you would say something to make me feel better if you could. I know you would tell me to calm down and stop worrying. You never worried. You probably didn’t even have time to worry when you were hit. On your death bed, you didn’t worry.
I really miss you, Shamar. I wish you were here. I just need a hug. I know that you wouldn’t allow me to be sad. You’d find a way to cheer me up. I’m so selfish to want you here for my own benefit, but it’s true. I wish you were still here, walking, talking, smiling. Just one more day.
Well, I gotta get back to work. I hear you telling me to stop crying! I am, I am…promise kemo sabe!