Too much on the brain

8 04 2008

*1st of all, what the heezie is going on with the wordpress site? All kinds of unexpected changes. Me likey!*

Last night, I spoke with a guy I once dated. I’ll refer to him as Yankee. Yankee and I met at a fashion show a good friend sponsored YEARS ago. He’s older than me and had a child in, you guessed it, New York.

Well Yankee and I had disagreements on a few things, as all people do. But our disagreements were a little more personal to me. I didn’t understand how a man could up and leave the city his child lived in and not even have a job lined up. He left his daughter, ex-girlfriend, parents and siblings…with nothing tangible to go to. I can understand a little, wanting to gain new experiences and obtain a good job. But dude…nah. When I met him, he was doing freelance work with friends.

Despite that, we still had some fun together. He LOVED rap and introduced me to some stuff I’d never heard. I, in turn, turned him on to some southern stuff he’d been blind too. Fun, fun, fun. But he talked about his daughter a lot. He told me how beautiful she was, how he missed her, how he wondered what she was doing. This happened 3-4 times a week. I always asked when he last talked to her, and it would be an answer like “well I thought about calling” or “I wanted to call her”. Why didn’t you, I ALWAYS asked. He said “her mother makes it hard for me”. It never sat well with me that he failed to try to talk to his child. He talked about her often, but not to her.
So we parted ways.

We had dinner a few times over the next 3 years or so, but no real time spent together. He’d been working to get his business off the ground, and was making steady albeit slow progress. He was working to get things in order. He always let me know how much he missed me and how he enjoyed spending time with me. I’m no pimp, but I’ve heard it before. He’s a guy. Not hard to figure out.

Last year, he sent me a text. The signature said this: Yankee and Sons. WHAT??? So I asked what that was about. “I have a son”. So you’ve been making babies? The guy who talks to his daughter every 6-8 weeks has now gone and procreated again? I was speechless.

Fast forward to last night. He’s a big sports fan and we chatted about the entire tournament. He’s good for sports talk. Eventually he wanted to know why I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I let him know about his bad deeds with his daughter and the bs that is his current situation (she lives with him, he’s purchased her a car, he claims to not like her but wants to ‘handle his responsibilities’ but still doesn’t talk to his oldest child). I was honest. I know I can’t tall anyone, especially a grown man, what to do but I offered my take on it all and felt just fine about doing so.

But I woke up this morning, still mulling over it all. Why is this man (in his THIRTIES!) making babies and not building/repairing relationships where they were torn? It’s as if he moved to Atlanta to start over, to not really deal with what he’d done in Yankeeville and is alright with it. I think he gets upset when I talk about it, but I know for a fact none of his male friends get on him about it. So he doesn’t have to think about it or deal with it.

It’s ridiculous. Reminds me of a certain someone who had a child 25 years, 7 months ago.

And I wasn’t trying to think about that.

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3 responses

9 04 2008
turquoisesha

Some people are just like that. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe he feels like it is the first baby mama’s (gosh I hate that term) responsibility to call him so he can talk to his daughter. He might feel like if she isn’t making an effort, why should he?

9 04 2008
rawdawgbuffalo

love is a many splendid things, including pain. Nice blog hon, just driving b do stop by my spot if and when u can. and if u in the atl, i have a book release party april 24 at M Bar on peters street from 7 to 10, so take this and acept my invite pls

9 04 2008
*Coop*

Mel – I’m sure that’s what he thinks, but that’s his daughter! IMO he’s too old for this kind of behavior. But it’s so representative of what many (I won’t even say ‘most’) men do regularly. In fact, at least he acknowledges his child. smh

RDB – Thanks. I live in Atlanta! M Bar is my spot.

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